Facing Regret - The Life Experience and Greatest Teacher
Facing regret is something that’s not talked about enough with writers I feel. We share our wins, our breakthroughs, and the polished work we finally let the world see. But the moments we gave up, held back, or let fear guide us often stay buried.
I’ve carried my fair share of writing regrets. Some came from silence. Some from trusting the wrong people. Others came from decisions I made when I was trying to protect myself from disappointment. Over time, I learned that regret is a good teacher. These four types of regret shaped my writing journey. And looking back, they taught me just as much as my successes did.
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1. Personal Regret – The Silence That Cost Me Years
Back when I worked in real estate, before earning my first degree, I felt completely discouraged from writing. I was submitting work constantly and getting rejected just as often. When I later went to Brooklyn College to study film, I had professors who, despite their knowledge, didn’t give me the kind of direction I needed. Some were helpful, but none truly believed in what I was trying to do.
After a fallout during my final semester, I walked away from writing. I was severely depressed. I didn’t even realize how deep it had gotten. At the time, I felt like nobody cared to read my work, and that rejection made me lose all hope.
Ironically, one short script I wrote for class got a table read and people loved it. They understood the structure, the twist, the payoff. A classmate even approached me afterward asking if they could shoot it. I said no. I didn’t follow up. I didn’t keep in touch. And I regret that.
I was afraid someone would steal the script, but now I realize that kind of fear only hurts the work. These days, I approach things differently. If someone wants to collaborate, I listen. I take it seriously. I support creative people who want to bring stories to life.
That moment cost me nearly a few years. I didn’t write. I was just holding a job and trying to get by. That silence is something I’ll never let happen again.
2. Creative Regret – Destroying My Own Work
One of the deepest regrets I carry is destroying my own writing. I’m not exaggerating when I say I had an entire side of my closet filled with notebooks. Printed stories, handwritten drafts, ideas that had never even made it to my computer. At least ten years’ worth of my creative life.
It happened during COVID. I was unemployed, collecting a small check, and struggling with mental health. The world felt chaotic, and I felt invisible. I wasn’t blogging. I had no platform. I was introverted, lost, and stuck.
I decided to “start fresh.” That decision led to me shredding notebook after notebook. I told myself it was cleansing. But it wasn’t. It was destruction. By the time the last notebook was gone, I sat in silence. There was no relief. Just despair.
That regret stays with me. It always will. But it also taught me something valuable.
This blog helped pull me out of that darkness. It gave me a purpose. A way to write again. A way to share my thoughts and maybe help others who feel the same way. Now, I never destroy my work. I save everything, no matter how messy or half-finished. Because years from now, it might be the key to something I didn’t even know I was building toward.
3. Professional Regret – Trusting the Wrong People
In my early twenties, I was desperate to find work as a writer. I was introduced to someone who claimed to have deep Hollywood connections. He presented himself as a go-to guy in the industry, someone who could link you to producers, agents, and celebrities. I believed him.
He pitched me a bizarre conspiracy theory he wanted written as a political thriller. The story wasn’t fiction. It was his own belief system disguised as entertainment. At first, I said no. He didn’t want to credit me, and I wasn’t comfortable ghostwriting something like that. Later, he returned offering a partnership if his name went first. I agreed.
While I was writing the script, he asked to see samples of my other work to send to producers. I gave him a few. A few weeks later, I learned from a friend, who happened to be his roommate, that he was a fraud. He didn’t know anyone. He had no connections. Worse, he said he was planning to destroy anything I gave him.
Eventually, he erased my name from the project, put his name on the cover, and tried to shop it around as if it were his. It was embarrassing. Frustrating. And it taught me a hard lesson.
Now I do my research. I ask questions. I trust my instincts. Because when someone knows you’re vulnerable, they can use that to their advantage. And in this case, he did.
4. Regret of the Road Not Taken – Saying No to a Niche
A few years ago, I turned down an opportunity that I now think about often. I was offered a chance to write erotica for an agent actively looking for new writers in that space. At the time, I had already written some erotic pieces, nothing published, just personal work, but I declined. I didn’t want to be labeled as an erotica writer. I wanted to be known for mystery.
That night, I was sitting at a bar in Lower Manhattan when the offer came up. I had the writing. I had the chance. I just didn’t take it.
Now I see things differently. I’m starting an erotic reading channel on YouTube and TikTok. I’ll begin with public domain erotica and slowly introduce my own work. Maybe I’ll feature other writers too. Because erotica isn’t shameful. It’s emotional, expressive, and a creative outlet that deserves just as much respect as any other genre.
Turning that offer down back then was a missed opportunity. But I’m reclaiming it in a new way now.
More on that soon.
Recommended Books on Facing Regret
1. The Power of Regret by Daniel H. Pink
Shows how regret can be a positive force for growth, using research and real stories to highlight its power to guide better decisions.
2. When the Past Is Present by David Richo
Explores how past regrets and emotional wounds shape our present, with tools to heal and move forward more mindfully.
3. Tiny Beautiful Things by Cheryl Strayed
A raw and honest collection of advice columns that dives into real-life regrets, heartbreak, and the beauty of owning your story.
Final Thoughts
Regret doesn’t mean you failed. It means you cared. It means you were trying. You had a voice, even if you didn’t know how to use it yet.
Each regret I’ve written about, personal, professional, and creative, came from a moment when I doubted myself or gave away too much power. But those experiences also shaped the writer I am now.
If you’re a writer carrying regret, I hope this helps. You are allowed to start again and reclaim your voice. Also please forgive the version of yourself who didn’t know better.
Now you do.
